(no subject)

[geekchick]

To lighten the mood a bit:

ame_chan explains it all: how to find a spouse/third/HBB in three easy steps. Things like this are pretty much the only reason I even bother with polyamory most days.

Notes to self: (cue Super Milk Chan: "You dumbass!")

* Check to see if you're using the "butter-flavored" instant grits before you add a big dollop of butter. Oog. You really can have too much "butter flavor". On the other hand, the cat is helping himself to the remains and seems happy enough with it.

* When you're getting ready for bed and wonder why it is your face seems to be peeling a bit, <hint> take a look at that jar of night cream full of retinol in your hand</hint>.

Now, do I go to the used book/music store, or do I realize that it is far too dangerous to go into such a place right this minute and wisely stay home?

Comments

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

I don't know you or your history, so I I don't mean this at all personally...

I understand the need to be clear to yourself about what will and will not work for you. I just have trouble with the thought that one will meet people with an eye to assessing off the bat whether they would be a potential partner. Aside from the fact that no metric is perfect and that one runs the risk of eliminating people who might well be good partners, it would feel to me like I was being viewed as a bundle of traits, not as a person in the round. It would also feel like I was being interviewed for a job -- competitive and somewhat objectifying. If a couple said to me "We were looking for a third person, and by golly, we think you'd be a great match," my answer would be "Um, no thanks.".

[firinel.livejournal.com]

*nods* I see what you're saying. I think I came at it assuming better of the OP because of my own experience. My spouse and I have been involved in a triad, and enjoyed that. We enjoyed it almost exclusively, though, because of who the person was. We got involved with her first becauce she's an amazing person, and second, because at the time it worked for those involved. Not because she was the best canidate for the position. I guess the difference is I'm coming at it from the other side, maybe? Like, this person is a friend of ours, and I'm romantically interested in this person, and think this person might be interested in me, possibly even both my spose and I as well. Let's discuss what we'd all want, maybe they're comfortable with that sort of set-up so no feelings get hurt, and then see what naturally progresses from there. Problem being that we've run into so many people in the poly community assuming all we want is a hot-bi-babe and being very contempteous them perceiving that as shallow, we're not doing poly 'the right way' and all, that sometimes I get frustrated enough to want to ask stupid questions like "okay. we can't be the only ones. where else can we find poly people who aren't going to sneer at us about this?' Not because I want to interview them or anything that crass, but because I'd like to be given a bit more..I dunno? respect, I guess. I had assumed this was more or less what the OP was asking, just in a terribly awkward newbie-ish way.

I can see how it can be read both ways, though. Suppose it just depends on what end your coming at it from. Thanks for explaining what you thought so patiently to me, though.

[ame-chan.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you feel you've been sneered at. I don't think you're the type of married couple I'm referring to at all, from what I've read here.

Yes, there *is* that element of snark in this community, but I dont' think ti's worse than in others. For me, the snark is borne out of frustration at being objectified, not out of someone "doing it wrong." I don't think those people are wrong, so much as, perhaps in need of some examination of their ideas and motivations.