well, i've had better days

I don't know if even a job offer would help counter it, as I was already running on four hours of bad sleep previous to this. I'm going to go have myself a good cry in a bit once things really sink in, but at least I'm not falling apart as I would've been even six months ago. That's an improvement, for whatever it's worth, although I'd be as happy not to have this particular proof that I'm getting better. I will be okay. I'll keep telling myself that and it will probably even be true.

Happy New Year to me. *sigh*

(no subject)

Today is Boomtime, day 2 in the season of Chaos, 3168

You can certainly say that again.

I was going to make a list of various resolutions and such that I was going to work on, but I never follow through with them so I won't put myself into a position where I'll beat myself up if they don't end up happening. There are a few things I'd like to see happen this year, but I'm not going to raise them to the level of "resolutions".

1. I want to make sure that I start building back up some savings again once I'm employed. After the bills and such are caught up, I want to put some money away in a separate account and try to avoid touching it. One day I want my own house, I don't want to rent forever.
   
2. I'd like to be better about recognizing when situations are just bad for me and gaining the courage to do something about it. This one is not going to happen quickly, it's taken me 30 years so far and I still haven't really learned it very well.
   
3. I want to be more social. I've been feeling very hermit-like, which has a certain appeal during the winter. I have (up until I put them up on eBay later tonight) nice club clothes, but I never go out so I don't wear them. Not much point in fancy plumage if no one but me is ever going to see it. (Getting rid of some of that stuff will also be therapeutic in a minor sort of way, in addition to going to rent and groceries.)
   
4. Less drama. The drama level is much better than it has been in the past, but still not entirely gone. If I find a drama-resistent teflon coating which will keep my drama contained and other people's drama out, I'll package and sell it and probably be able to retire on my profits.
   
5. Acquire some new skills. I've been stagnating a bit, I can point to only a very few things that I've learned in the last year, and that's bad. The lack of motivation with the serious funk I've been in most of the year didn't help at all, maybe now that I seem to be on an upswing I can regain some of that motivation.
   
6. Travel. I want to go to Montreal and go to the Jazz Festival (which actually seems like it could happen, since I'm going to skip Convergence I think). I want to go to the southwest and Maine and Vermont and Seattle. I want to go to a bunch of Canadian folk festivals over the summer. I want to spend a week or so next winter following the Oysterband around the UK again. I want to have the time off and money to do all that. ;) I'd like to see if I'm brave enough to travel by myself to some place I've never been.
   
7. Get in shape. I'd like to be a size 10 again, but I'll settle for at least being in better shape than I am. I had such a good start with the trainer, but after the sessions ended I let myself get slack about keeping up with the routines. I should try not to let myself slip up again, no matter how much I feel like not going to the gym.
   

I'm sure there is lots more I want to do, and that's in no particular order