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Jan. 3rd, 2002 04:47 pmToday is Pungenday, day 3 in the season of Chaos, 3168.
I should not, Not, NOT take my credit card and go buy work clothes or anything else until I have an offer letter in hand. Nothing quite like not being able to indulge in your two favorite depression relievers when you feel like this (dying my hair some unnatural color and retail therapy). Gotta find other ways to cope, preferably more productive ones. I was mostly okay yesterday, until I tried to sleep. The brain just wouldn't shut off when I crawled into bed though, so I took some quite massive doses of 5-HTP, valerian, kava kava and melatonin and finally managed to shut down. There was a while where I wasn't deeply asleep but fell into the middle of some dream-like state that involved running down a path late at night through a field of grass higher than my head, looking for something that I knew used to be there but wasn't anymore. Yeah, yeah, I know what it represents too, it wasn't terribly subtle. Luckily I soon dropped off into a blessedly dream-free (so far as I know), deep sleep. I have a feeling that tonight isn't going to be a lot better, as today has actually been worse; luckily we've got a lot of valerian here and I've got the stuffed bear that's been with me through lots of other breakups and a nice warm pair of flannel Eeyore pajamas with feet. I could probably start on House of Leaves, but I think I want to screw my head back on straight first before I start a book that will probably require some effort on my part. I entertained myself last night by reading Frommer's guide to Montreal and Quebec City, but I think I need some other light escapist reading to do tonight.
I should not, Not, NOT take my credit card and go buy work clothes or anything else until I have an offer letter in hand. Nothing quite like not being able to indulge in your two favorite depression relievers when you feel like this (dying my hair some unnatural color and retail therapy). Gotta find other ways to cope, preferably more productive ones. I was mostly okay yesterday, until I tried to sleep. The brain just wouldn't shut off when I crawled into bed though, so I took some quite massive doses of 5-HTP, valerian, kava kava and melatonin and finally managed to shut down. There was a while where I wasn't deeply asleep but fell into the middle of some dream-like state that involved running down a path late at night through a field of grass higher than my head, looking for something that I knew used to be there but wasn't anymore. Yeah, yeah, I know what it represents too, it wasn't terribly subtle. Luckily I soon dropped off into a blessedly dream-free (so far as I know), deep sleep. I have a feeling that tonight isn't going to be a lot better, as today has actually been worse; luckily we've got a lot of valerian here and I've got the stuffed bear that's been with me through lots of other breakups and a nice warm pair of flannel Eeyore pajamas with feet. I could probably start on House of Leaves, but I think I want to screw my head back on straight first before I start a book that will probably require some effort on my part. I entertained myself last night by reading Frommer's guide to Montreal and Quebec City, but I think I need some other light escapist reading to do tonight.
