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Aug. 21st, 2002 12:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
geekchickToday is Boomtime, day 13 in the season of Bureaucracy, 3268.
"I wonder if I'll ever really understand you."
A small snippet of some recent email, in response to a small reminder of how different our backgrounds have been. I don't really know the answer to that. I've spent 30+ years now trying to understand me, and it's only in the last few years that I've come close to making anything like progress on that front. I'm not the same person I was even a year ago at this time, and several things I thought I knew about myself then have turned out to not be true anymore. I know that much of who I have been is completely foreign to you, and more and more these days it's also becoming "not me". This is not a bad thing. I'm not changing to fit myself into the mold of what someone else thinks I should be anymore; the changes in my life are more natural progressions for me at this point, not "I should [go out | stay home | dress this way] more often because X thinks I should". I don't feel the need to go out to bars 3 and 4 nights a week just to be around other people anymore, and haven't for years; I have friends and partners who fill that need for human contact now, although far too many of both groups are too far away. I'd rather have the "Significant Lifetime Event" than a larger number of casual relationships (not that I've ever been good at keeping casual relationships casual). Maybe you're closer to solving the puzzle than you think, at least today's puzzle. Who knows about tomorrow's?
"I wonder if I'll ever really understand you."
A small snippet of some recent email, in response to a small reminder of how different our backgrounds have been. I don't really know the answer to that. I've spent 30+ years now trying to understand me, and it's only in the last few years that I've come close to making anything like progress on that front. I'm not the same person I was even a year ago at this time, and several things I thought I knew about myself then have turned out to not be true anymore. I know that much of who I have been is completely foreign to you, and more and more these days it's also becoming "not me". This is not a bad thing. I'm not changing to fit myself into the mold of what someone else thinks I should be anymore; the changes in my life are more natural progressions for me at this point, not "I should [go out | stay home | dress this way] more often because X thinks I should". I don't feel the need to go out to bars 3 and 4 nights a week just to be around other people anymore, and haven't for years; I have friends and partners who fill that need for human contact now, although far too many of both groups are too far away. I'd rather have the "Significant Lifetime Event" than a larger number of casual relationships (not that I've ever been good at keeping casual relationships casual). Maybe you're closer to solving the puzzle than you think, at least today's puzzle. Who knows about tomorrow's?
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no subject
Date: 2002-08-21 11:59 pm (UTC)