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Mar. 18th, 2005 11:36 amToday is Boomtime, the 4th day of Discord in the YOLD 3171
I realize that I tend towards being a "fixer". If I know that someone I care about is having a hard time, my first impulse is usually to do something about it. Sometimes though, there's absolutely nothing that I can realistically do other than lend an ear or a shoulder for reasons that may be completely out of my control. It's frustrating when that happens, because I keep feeling like there ought to be something else I could be doing that feels less passive. I am not Superwoman or some sort of goddess that can magically make everything right for my friends, even if they wanted me to solve all their problems for them. It would be good if I could keep in mind that sometimes "just" listening is exactly what's needed and desired, and that I don't necessarily need to keep searching for something else to do. I say "just" I think because I don't usually feel like I'm a particularly good listener; I've been told otherwise from time to time, so maybe that thought comes from feeling that listening ought to be accompanied by advice or action or something else.
You'd think it would be easier to remember that I don't always have to try to fix everything, since often I talk about things with friends when the only thing I want is for someone to listen for a bit, I don't have any expectation that they would or could actually do anything else. Why then do I feel compelled to try to help solve their problems, when odds are very good they don't want anything of the sort? It's a bit presumptuous to think that I'd be able to fix things, isn't it? I tend to ask if there's anything I can do though not because I assume that there is anything but out of a sincere desire for people I care about to not have to worry or be stressed or sad, so if I repeatedly bring the topic up, know that it's because I care and not because I have some desire to pester you. Well, I might, but I'd probably not do it by offering to help out if I can.
I realize that I tend towards being a "fixer". If I know that someone I care about is having a hard time, my first impulse is usually to do something about it. Sometimes though, there's absolutely nothing that I can realistically do other than lend an ear or a shoulder for reasons that may be completely out of my control. It's frustrating when that happens, because I keep feeling like there ought to be something else I could be doing that feels less passive. I am not Superwoman or some sort of goddess that can magically make everything right for my friends, even if they wanted me to solve all their problems for them. It would be good if I could keep in mind that sometimes "just" listening is exactly what's needed and desired, and that I don't necessarily need to keep searching for something else to do. I say "just" I think because I don't usually feel like I'm a particularly good listener; I've been told otherwise from time to time, so maybe that thought comes from feeling that listening ought to be accompanied by advice or action or something else.
You'd think it would be easier to remember that I don't always have to try to fix everything, since often I talk about things with friends when the only thing I want is for someone to listen for a bit, I don't have any expectation that they would or could actually do anything else. Why then do I feel compelled to try to help solve their problems, when odds are very good they don't want anything of the sort? It's a bit presumptuous to think that I'd be able to fix things, isn't it? I tend to ask if there's anything I can do though not because I assume that there is anything but out of a sincere desire for people I care about to not have to worry or be stressed or sad, so if I repeatedly bring the topic up, know that it's because I care and not because I have some desire to pester you. Well, I might, but I'd probably not do it by offering to help out if I can.
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