As the person making the snark in question, I'll let you know where my head is at on it. Okay, I'm married and I'm utterly open to the idea of other partner(s) being a part of our life, living with us, etc. Love the idea. I'm not going to go looking for it though. I'm not going to advertise for it. I don't feel like my life is missing anything because I don't have it. I have partners who are not part of my marriage and I'm really happy with them. I don't feel like anything is missing in my life. If I met someone new and that person or one of my partners over time *grew into* something more connected to my marriage (another spouse, a third, call it what you will) that'd be great and I'd welcome it.
What I object to is this incessant spamming of communities and mailing lists with hte "how do I get me one of those hot bi babes, my wife and I would both like to have one." sorts of emails/posts. The "where do you find them?" stuff. People are not commodities, not toys, not meat, they're people. You don't find them at Target. You don't go out looking for someone to fit X, Y and Z criteria and ask them to move in with you because they fit those things. At least, not in my worldview. You get to know folk on their own merits, you develop relationships with them and you see how the relationships grow together over time. If you're lucky, maybe it grows in the direction you hoped for, but it's not something you can force.
Fwiw, I feel very much the same way about personals ads for mono/singles and mailaway brides. I think that advertising for someone to fill a hole is just not... the best way to find the right person. Not saying it hasn't worked well for some, but saying that I find it objectionable.
I don't feel like my comment was snarky at all. I was poking gentle fun at them, yes, but I don't think I was mean or in any way bitchy or over the top. It was a humorous comment and intended as such. The underlying frustration I feel over posts like that is something I reserve for discussion in my own journal or places like this, it's not something that I'd slam someone over the head with in a community like that.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2005-01-30 05:10 pm (UTC)What I object to is this incessant spamming of communities and mailing lists with hte "how do I get me one of those hot bi babes, my wife and I would both like to have one." sorts of emails/posts. The "where do you find them?" stuff. People are not commodities, not toys, not meat, they're people. You don't find them at Target. You don't go out looking for someone to fit X, Y and Z criteria and ask them to move in with you because they fit those things. At least, not in my worldview. You get to know folk on their own merits, you develop relationships with them and you see how the relationships grow together over time. If you're lucky, maybe it grows in the direction you hoped for, but it's not something you can force.
Fwiw, I feel very much the same way about personals ads for mono/singles and mailaway brides. I think that advertising for someone to fill a hole is just not... the best way to find the right person. Not saying it hasn't worked well for some, but saying that I find it objectionable.
I don't feel like my comment was snarky at all. I was poking gentle fun at them, yes, but I don't think I was mean or in any way bitchy or over the top. It was a humorous comment and intended as such. The underlying frustration I feel over posts like that is something I reserve for discussion in my own journal or places like this, it's not something that I'd slam someone over the head with in a community like that.