poem o'the day

[geekchick]

Juan de Arguijo, La tempestad y la calma

Yo vi del rojo sol la luz serena
Turbarse, y que en un punto desparece
Su alegre faz, y en torno se oscurece
El cielo con tiniebla de horror llena.
El austro proceloso airado suena,
Crece su furia, y la tormenta crece;
Y en los hombros de Atlante se estremece
El alto Olimpo y con espanto truena.
Mas luego vi romperse el negro velo
Deshecho en agua, y a su luz primera
Restituírse apresa el claro día.
Y de nuevo esplendor ornado el cielo
Miré, y dije: «¿Quién sabe, si le espera
Igual mudanza a la fortuna mía?»


From Renaissance and Baroque Poetry of Spain, Elias L. Rivers.
(The translation reads a bit awkwardly to me, but I don't feel like digging out the dictionary and doing the work right now to translate it myself.)

I saw the serene light of the red sun become turbulent and in a moment his gay face disappear, and all around the sky become dark with shadows full of terror. The stormy south wind angrily roars, his fury grows, and the storm increases; and on Atlas' shoulders lofty Olympus shudders and thunders in fright. But then I saw the black veil break, melted in water, and bright day quickly restored to its former light. And I looked at the sky, adorned with new splendor, and said: "Who knows whether a similar change awaits my fortune?"

Comments

scribbled

[marnanel.livejournal.com]

I saw the ruddy sunshine growing wild,
I saw his smiling visage disappear,
The sky, once filled with luminance so mild
Becoming dark with shadows full of fear.
The southern wind with angry violence blows
Olympus, perched on Atlas' shoulders' height
Who quavers as the tempest's fury grows
And fills the air with thunder in his fright.
But, lo! I saw the veil of darkness break
Within the morning's rainwater dissolving,
And see! I saw the daybreak's glory take
Its former ground, back to its heights resolving;
And to the sky I wondered, "Who can state
If such a change as this lies in my fate?"

Re: scribbled

[geekchick]

Oh, that's lovely. Much, much nicer than the translation I have.

Re: scribbled

[marnanel.livejournal.com]

Disclaimer: I don't speak Spanish, so it's based on the translation you gave.

Re: scribbled

[geekchick]

I thought that might've been the base. While the translation I had is pretty straightforward, it doesn't flow well (at least not to my ear). I do much prefer yours. =)

Re: scribbled

[marnanel.livejournal.com]

...but I'm glad you like it :) Thank you.

Re: scribbled

[fizaratan.livejournal.com]

That's beautiful.

However, geek that I am, I felt the need to try to fix the Iambic Pentameter in a couple of places. How about:

I saw the ruddy sunshine growing wild,
I saw his smiling visage disappear;
The sky, once filled with luminance so mild
Becoming dark with shadows full of fear.
I heard the southern wind with terror roar
And tall Olympus, set upon the height
Of Atlas' shoulders, shudder at its core
And fill the air with thunder in its fright.
But, lo! I saw the veil of darkness break,
Within the morning's rainwater dissolved,
And see! I saw the daybreak's glory take
Its former ground, back to its heights resolved;
And to the sky I wondered, "Who can state
If such a change as this lies in my fate?"

Re: scribbled

[marnanel.livejournal.com]

That's an improvement, certainly, and not just metrically: I didn't much like "Atlas' shoulders' height".

One other thing that occurred to me since I wrote this: "state" is too abrupt an ending for the line. I'd rather have written

And to the sky I wondered, "Who can say
If such a change as this lies in my way?"

Re: scribbled

[fizaratan.livejournal.com]

Ah! Yes, better! I thought that "state" sounded a bit... clinical, perhaps, but I couldn't think of anything better.

I'm not sure that my lines are as good as yours by many measures - I'm sure "tall" could be replaced with a better word - but at the end of all I think it's a pretty good translation. I wonder if we can get it adopted as the canonical one for any purpose? :-)

[gsh]

Does this count as a use of your college degree?

[geekchick]

No, since I didn't translate it myself. =) It counts as use of one of my college textbooks however.