(no subject)

[geekchick]

I've been neglecting my own emotional well-being while trying to tend to that of other people; it's time for that to stop. I need to find my comfort levels and boundaries, state them clearly and then stick to them. If that makes me somehow a selfish bitch, then so be it. I can't take care of anyone else if I haven't taken care of myself first, and I've been running off reserves for so long now that they're utterly depleted. I'm tired. No, I'm exhausted, and I don't like this feeling. So while I'm not withdrawing completely from offering support to friends and loved ones and will gladly do what I'm able, I'm going to be much more active about stating when something's turned into a net drain for me and putting a stop to my involvement in it.

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Sounds reasonable.

[who-is-she.livejournal.com]

this sounds like a very good idea.
take care of you.
it is a gift to those you love.

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

It's impossible to care for others when you haven't been caring for yourself.

It's like the safety talk on airlines - attach your own oxygen mask before assisting others. You have to take care of yourself first. It's not selfish, it's self-preservation!

Not that I've ever had to learn this lesson, oh, no ;-)

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Yay! Good for you, dear... As one person who you've lovingly tended from time to time, that doesn't make you a selfish bitch -- it makes me feel *safer* because I know I won't be dragging you down. Last year, I saw you crash and stay down for months and months... I believe that your friends and partners all want to see you healthy and taking care of yourself. I know that I'd rather pause contact with you (to shield you from my issues elsewhere) than see you fall back to where you were a few months ago.

who_is_she IMO has it exactly right :)

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

Sane policy. *hugs* and ~~energy vibes~~

[anotheranon.livejournal.com]

What everyone else said. Do what you need to do!

Good idea.

[madbodger.livejournal.com]

I know the feeling all too well myself. If you need anything, just ask. If you don't need anything, I'll try to avoid making a pest of myself.

[hammercock.livejournal.com]

All eminently reasonable. Take care of yourself. *hug*

How do reserves return?

[telnar.livejournal.com]

This all seems sensible, but let me toss out a related question: How quickly do your reserves return?

If your reserves work much like a jar of marbles where withdrawals are gone absent an active effort, then you need to be much more careful than if the tank of a water heater makes a better analogy (where as long as the faucet isn't left running, the reserves will keep up with reasonable use on their own).

Re: How do reserves return?

[geekchick]

It seems to depend on the reserve level at the time. If I've got reasonable reserves, it doesn't take all that much to recharge them assuming there's not a constant drain. Sort of like the water heater analogy you mention. Once I hit a certain critical point though, I need to actively concentrate on rebuilding my reserves since I don't have much left to build on (and that seems to be the point I've hit recently).

[winterbadger]

That sounds eminently reasonable.