Not-Quite-GIP

This icon seems to have widespread applicability over the last two weeks or so (including for myself, I'll be the first to admit), both on and off LJ. What the hell, people? SRSLY.

(Quote's from Chris Moore's "A Dirty Job", icon by cannons_fan.)

(no subject)

I have a real problem with guilt. By that I mean that I take on rather too much of it, even for things that aren't particularly my fault. Example: a mistake was made a few weeks ago, and all documentation leads to the conclusion that the mistake wasn't mine (and the other party said at the time the mistake was pointed out that the fault might've been on their end). Since I have in fact made that particular mistake in the past though, I promptly went on to stress about the fact that I might've screwed up and felt pretty damn bad about it for several hours. Even though I knew that I'd not messed up in this case, I still took on a disproportionate amount of feeling bad about it (by which I mean "any"). That's just wrong. Why on earth should I feel bad about something that I didn't even do?

And when I do actually screw up? I can't seem to let it go. Heck, I still have flashes of ooginess about things that happened a decade or more ago. I will beat myself up for mistakes I make far longer and harder than the wronged party is ever likely to, and there is little anyone else can say that will make me feel quite as bad as I can manage all on my own. I have literally worried myself sick with feelings of guilt over screw-ups. Sense of proportion? Yeah, I've heard of those. It's not that I feel I must be perfect, it's that I really hate feeling like I've disappointed someone or made them angry. Conflict-avoidant much? Oh, HELL yeah.

I wish I could get a handle on this behavior. Yes, I should feel (at least a little) bad about things that are my fault, but then I should attempt to fix the situation and let it go. I need to also learn not to accept responsibility and feel guilt for things that aren't my fault. That's pretty self-centered right there, because I'm making everything All About Me when it most decidedly is not. Perspective: I should work on getting some.

(No, I don't normally talk here explicitly about how my brain works. Y'all are just lucky today, I guess.)