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Jan. 23rd, 2005
On the naming of things, specifically me
Jan. 23rd, 2005 09:36 pmMy first name is Catherine. I was named after my maternal grandmother, although she was a Katherine. For my entire life, or at least all of it that I can remember, I've been Cathy. It suits me, I think, and it's comfortable. When I started my current job, we ran into a bit of trouble: one of my coworkers is named Kathy. (This is mostly a problem because there are only five of us, so having 2/5 of the staff named [K|C]athy can get confusing.) There was some minor drama related to the name confusion thing apparently before I was hired, but it seems to have worked out well because she and I are quite good friends now. Amusingly enough, we also happen to share a middle name, and her maiden name started with the same letter as my last name. Since her name is just Kathy, we tried to come up with something else to call me; we settled on Catherine. (This didn't last long, now we're referred to by everyone as "K-Kathy" and "C-Cathy"".) It felt strange, unwieldy almost.
Catherine to me feels like it belongs to someone else, like someone who's much more "proper" than I am, who doesn't dye her hair blue or pierce her nose or laugh out loud at dirty jokes in mixed company. Or else it's someone glamorous, always seen perfectly turned out, every hair in place and perfect makeup. I had a boyfriend in college who preferred to call me Catherine, and come to think of it, I think he really was looking long-term for someone who more fits my imagining of a Catherine. And all this is leaving aside that answering to that version of my name is hard because the only time anyone called me that growing up was when I was in deep, deep trouble and it preceded the rest of my full name. I kept expecting to find out I was in trouble for the few weeks we tried calling me by that name at work. From time to time I am a Catherine, but never for very long before it starts feeling strange.
I've also been a Cate, which also seems like it's not usually me, although not in the same way as Catherine does. That's the name someone dear to me used to address me, and they were the only person to use that variant on anything resembling a consistent basis. I tried to think today why it is that I never even suggested "Cate" as an alternative in the office, and the best I could come up with was that it just felt too intimate for me to want strangers to address me that way. In fact I don't think it would feel quite right coming from anyone else, so please don't start referring to me as Cate unless you happen to be the person who already does. =) There was also the matter of not reflexively answering to it as I would to either Cathy or Catherine, which didn't hurt. Cate feels more to me like an adventurer, someone whose memoirs would be full of danger and romance and wild abandon. Not sure why I have those particular connotations to any of these variants of my name, but there they are.
Mostly, however, I'm just Cathy. That's the name that I use to mean the plain old me, comfortable and familiar. Every once in a while though it's good to pull out the others and try them on, like dressing up for a masquerade ball.
Catherine to me feels like it belongs to someone else, like someone who's much more "proper" than I am, who doesn't dye her hair blue or pierce her nose or laugh out loud at dirty jokes in mixed company. Or else it's someone glamorous, always seen perfectly turned out, every hair in place and perfect makeup. I had a boyfriend in college who preferred to call me Catherine, and come to think of it, I think he really was looking long-term for someone who more fits my imagining of a Catherine. And all this is leaving aside that answering to that version of my name is hard because the only time anyone called me that growing up was when I was in deep, deep trouble and it preceded the rest of my full name. I kept expecting to find out I was in trouble for the few weeks we tried calling me by that name at work. From time to time I am a Catherine, but never for very long before it starts feeling strange.
I've also been a Cate, which also seems like it's not usually me, although not in the same way as Catherine does. That's the name someone dear to me used to address me, and they were the only person to use that variant on anything resembling a consistent basis. I tried to think today why it is that I never even suggested "Cate" as an alternative in the office, and the best I could come up with was that it just felt too intimate for me to want strangers to address me that way. In fact I don't think it would feel quite right coming from anyone else, so please don't start referring to me as Cate unless you happen to be the person who already does. =) There was also the matter of not reflexively answering to it as I would to either Cathy or Catherine, which didn't hurt. Cate feels more to me like an adventurer, someone whose memoirs would be full of danger and romance and wild abandon. Not sure why I have those particular connotations to any of these variants of my name, but there they are.
Mostly, however, I'm just Cathy. That's the name that I use to mean the plain old me, comfortable and familiar. Every once in a while though it's good to pull out the others and try them on, like dressing up for a masquerade ball.