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Aug. 23rd, 2004 03:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
geekchickAn earlier conversation with someone reminded me of an old friend and lover (of sorts; it was complicated). It's been almost eight years, but I still occasionally miss him intensely. After this long, the mourning for opportunities forever lost isn't as intense, but still I from time to time dig out his last letter to me, full of passion and promise, and wonder "What if...?". I'd forgotten the exact date that I got the phone call telling me he was gone and looked it up tonight; it was a mere seventeen days after this last note. Has it really been eight years? It doesn't seem it. I've kept a printed copy of the message carefully tucked into a book for the last seven years, one of my most treasured possessions, precious not just for the content but because I know I'll never see another from him in this lifetime.
I do miss you, P. The timing and circumstances were never quite right this time, but maybe on the next go-round...
Don't hesitate too long to let someone know how you feel, as there's no guarantee that you'll get the chance to do so. I try, but as to success there? Maybe not so much. I count myself incredibly fortunate that I got to hear what was in his head, even though it made the later news that much harder. I wish I still had my old mail logs to see exactly what my response to him was; that account is long since gone though, and the files lost in the wreckage of old hard drives.
I do miss you, P. The timing and circumstances were never quite right this time, but maybe on the next go-round...
Don't hesitate too long to let someone know how you feel, as there's no guarantee that you'll get the chance to do so. I try, but as to success there? Maybe not so much. I count myself incredibly fortunate that I got to hear what was in his head, even though it made the later news that much harder. I wish I still had my old mail logs to see exactly what my response to him was; that account is long since gone though, and the files lost in the wreckage of old hard drives.
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Date: 2004-08-23 12:55 am (UTC)TK
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Date: 2004-08-23 01:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-23 12:54 pm (UTC)Well, after a while you just don't think of it all that often. It turns into a bittersweet memory that you take out of the trunk in the attic every once in a while and leaf through before packing it carefully back away.
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Date: 2004-08-23 01:10 pm (UTC)I was trying to find something in my desk the othe day and opened the drawer that holds my archive of letters like that. A huge pile of cards from LB (who would do crazy things like send me 14 valentines on Valentine's Day; that's OK, I stuck out from work in the middle of the day and left a series of notes through her apartment, clues she had to follow to the next note, all leading her to a little pile of presents :-) And all my letters and cards from C, years and years of "I will always love you forever". :*-(
Don't hesitate too long to let someone know how you feel, as there's no guarantee that you'll get the chance to do so.
That's for sure.