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State of the brain
May. 16th, 2005 05:03 pmFor the first time in sometime more than a decade, I feel like my baseline emotional state is approaching "cheerful". Something I appreciate about the Wellbutrin is that I still have mood swings. I know that sounds odd, but really it's not; it means that I'm not feeling completely flat, which is something I really wanted to avoid. My emotional dips are about the same size they were before starting the meds, but I'm starting from a totally different place and so they don't take me anywhere near as low as they did six months ago.
To be honest, I don't think it's the Wellbutrin all on its own that's working so well; after the first month or so, I felt noticeably better and then it levelled off or even regressed a bit. There have been some supplements added recently which I think are working in combination with the bupropion well enough that even I can see how much better I'm doing. Not that you'd be able to tell today, but my focus is getting better. I'm initiating conversations again (although I still need to work on answering email a bit more promptly than I have been) and it's easier to have conversations that need to be had. I haven't been tempted to dump everyone and go live on a mountaintop terribly recently. ;) I seem to have enough equilibrium that finding out my darling kitty -- who is damn lucky that he's so adorable -- horked all over my new "dry clean-only" comforter is meriting only a shrug and not a meltdown. I can finally listen to all my beloved mopey-type music (the genre, not necessarily this one specifically) again without curling up into a little ball and wailing. <Possible TMI>Unfortunately, I don't seem to be getting any of the more fortuitous side effects they claim may show up. Damn.</TMI> It's interesting that I can see how unhappy I was now that I'm finding myself in a different place; it was my normal state for so long that it didn't register as being depressed.
The short version of all of that (which I suppose should've come first rather than making you slog through everything else to get to it): Yay for the meds!
To be honest, I don't think it's the Wellbutrin all on its own that's working so well; after the first month or so, I felt noticeably better and then it levelled off or even regressed a bit. There have been some supplements added recently which I think are working in combination with the bupropion well enough that even I can see how much better I'm doing. Not that you'd be able to tell today, but my focus is getting better. I'm initiating conversations again (although I still need to work on answering email a bit more promptly than I have been) and it's easier to have conversations that need to be had. I haven't been tempted to dump everyone and go live on a mountaintop terribly recently. ;) I seem to have enough equilibrium that finding out my darling kitty -- who is damn lucky that he's so adorable -- horked all over my new "dry clean-only" comforter is meriting only a shrug and not a meltdown. I can finally listen to all my beloved mopey-type music (the genre, not necessarily this one specifically) again without curling up into a little ball and wailing. <Possible TMI>Unfortunately, I don't seem to be getting any of the more fortuitous side effects they claim may show up. Damn.</TMI> It's interesting that I can see how unhappy I was now that I'm finding myself in a different place; it was my normal state for so long that it didn't register as being depressed.
The short version of all of that (which I suppose should've come first rather than making you slog through everything else to get to it): Yay for the meds!