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Sep. 13th, 2000 02:34 amSometimes I think I might just be a masochist after all.
For some reason I felt compelled tonight to watch "Moyers on Dying"; tonight's episode was called "A Death of One's Own" and dealt with people who wanted to die on their own terms. The woman in Oregon with cancer reminded me so much of my mother, in so many ways. They were roughly the same age (she was 56, my mother was 55), there was some similarity in the way they looked, and...it was rough. It was very rough. It's been a little bit over a year now, and that spot is still raw. Most of the time I'm okay, although I have the periodic "I want my mommy" feelings; tonight's show brought that last week all back though. Watching someone you love wither away like that isn't something I'd ever wish on anyone. The one thing I'm grateful for is that I had a great job which allowed me to move back home and spend time with her in that last week. I got to say the kinds of things to her that I never got to say to my father because I wasn't here. There was another segment as well dealing with terminal sedation, which brought back memories of my father. Nine years have made that a little less immediately painful though. Despite the painful memories, it was an excellent show; the people featured were really inspiring with their courage and strength, wanting to be the ones to control the way their lives ended (especially the man dying of Lou Gehrig's disease, something I find to be particularly horrible) . I only hope that I can have a little bit of that strength if I ever am in a similar position.
For some reason I felt compelled tonight to watch "Moyers on Dying"; tonight's episode was called "A Death of One's Own" and dealt with people who wanted to die on their own terms. The woman in Oregon with cancer reminded me so much of my mother, in so many ways. They were roughly the same age (she was 56, my mother was 55), there was some similarity in the way they looked, and...it was rough. It was very rough. It's been a little bit over a year now, and that spot is still raw. Most of the time I'm okay, although I have the periodic "I want my mommy" feelings; tonight's show brought that last week all back though. Watching someone you love wither away like that isn't something I'd ever wish on anyone. The one thing I'm grateful for is that I had a great job which allowed me to move back home and spend time with her in that last week. I got to say the kinds of things to her that I never got to say to my father because I wasn't here. There was another segment as well dealing with terminal sedation, which brought back memories of my father. Nine years have made that a little less immediately painful though. Despite the painful memories, it was an excellent show; the people featured were really inspiring with their courage and strength, wanting to be the ones to control the way their lives ended (especially the man dying of Lou Gehrig's disease, something I find to be particularly horrible) . I only hope that I can have a little bit of that strength if I ever am in a similar position.
