geekchick | (no subject)

I've been looking at pictures of myself taken at last week's party, and thinking that no way do I want to show them to anyone. To be honest I almost don't recognize the person in those pictures...they don't look at all like the image I have of myself in my head. It's not that I was skinny once and now I'm not -- I've never been thin, and I carry most of my weight around my waist -- it's that I seem to have a mental image of myself that doesn't seem to match up with reality.

I went on Depo a few years ago, which was the greatest thing ever in terms of convenience and lack of monthly physical discomfort but the worst thing in terms of my weight and my already-low libido. (Excellent birth control method it was, it made sure I had zero interest in ever having sex.) I put on 30 pounds in six months, which was far from the worst number I'd ever heard in regards to Depo, but still bothersome to me. I figured once I stopped I'd lose the weight slowly, but that hasn't happened; even my thrice-weekly sessions with a personal trainer made a difference in my fitness levels but didn't make a damn bit of difference in my measurements. When I picture myself in my head or I look in a mirror, I still see me pre-Depo. When I look at pictures, I see someone else. My hair, my clothes, my body all look so different to me on film (or in pixels, depending). I don't like feeling this disconnect.

I haven't cancelled my gym membership at Lifetime (or Gold's, but that's only because it's such a pain in the ass to cancel with them). I should go back. I was happy when I was working out, I had energy to do things. I tend to fall out of habits easily though, and that's just what I did. I want to be at least as fit as I was at the end of my training sessions again, I want my back and knees to stop hurting, I want my corsets to fit me again, I want to be able to go hiking and not get winded in the first 20 minutes, and I want to not keep being shocked by pictures of myself.

This, by the way, is not a cue for anyone to chime in with how cute you think I am. While the sentiment is generally appreciated, it's not quite where I was heading with this. Also, this is really motivated by being uncomfortable in my own skin these days, this is not actually a "god, I need to lose weight because no one will ever be attracted to me otherwise" sort of whinginess (no matter how much it may sound that way), because that's patently untrue.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Given I haven't actually seen you in person, I'm not going to tell you how cute you are. Just assume I think so ;-)

Anyway, I understand what you mean about wanting to be fit. It's something I need to work on, too. And I've heard some stories from a person who went on Depo right after getting married, and not realizing that the loss of libido was due to the shots, nor the weight gain. It's obviously a drug that has some interesting side effects.

*insert generic 'go you' platitude here* :-)

Good luck getting back in the fitness habit. If you figure out a good motivational tool, can you share? I can use the help :-)

I count myself lucky that I didn't also get the wild mood swings as well with Depo. I miss it, but not enough to overcome the not wanting the side effects again.

Unfortunately, motivation is one thing I lack nearly completely. If I'm being honest, the only thing that really kept me going was that Andy had scheduled our sessions already and that if I missed them I still got to pay for them. Heh, maybe that's my motivational tool. ;)

Maia is complaining about a bit of weight from her depo (though when I was in Iraq, she was off, and she lost it, it came right back when she went back to it).

I, on the other hand, seem to be a tad lighter than I was when I left (though not as light as when I came out of the Box).

The only thing to ever put weight on me was prednisone, and I hated it. Not just the being fat (which most people couldn't see... going from 110, to 130 in two-weeks is a lot, but not to others), but the ringing, and the taste of bronze in my mouth.

That my clothes kept popping open was just icing on the cake.

I need to run more. I need to do more push ups. I need to get back in shape. I will, however, make do with the garden.

TK

she was off, and she lost it, it came right back when she went back to it

That was my understanding of what generally happened (and they claimed last I looked that average weight gain was 5 lbs a year -- ha!), but not with me.