The very first things that I thought when I saw this were "Spam" and "Chris"

http://lifehacker.com/software/diy/turn-a-flashlight-into-a-handheld-burning-laser-287252.php

I need to modify the userpic to read "Look at dis (with remaining eye)!" Also, I suppose I should look for at least some ill-tempered sea bass if I can't find sharks.